Thursday, 29 May 2008

Angry frustrations

Well, tonight Emily pushed me to the limits. I know when babies cry there's something wrong. The "testing parents" phase doesn't come until around six months.

The last couple of nights Emily has put her real inconsolable cry on. Last night, Sue managed to rectify it by feeding her and have her drop off to sleep. Tonight, with Sue at school doing an exam, daddy wasn't so lucky. The initial feed was rejected but after a nappy change, was hungrily accepted.

Then... oh, then, dear reader. The choking, gasping, horrific incessant cry began and just would not stop. I attempted to burp and nothing came out. I walked around the flat, albeit deafened in one ear by blood curdling screams; I checked nappies that contained no soil; In short, there was nothing bloody wrong with her. The only thing I can surmise is she was tired and didn't know how to deal with it.

Toward the end I was ready to lose my rag. I put her in her bed and let her cry herself to sleep. The couple of times I checked in on her, when the cries subsided, resulted in her seeing me and ramping up the volume again.

It's been a disasterous night, and I really worry about what I would have done had Emily pushed my ire past the brink. I love the little blighter deep down but tonight I got a glimpse into the darker side of life and it frightened me. It frightened me a lot.

Even now, shaking somewhat from the evenings events, I just want to pick her up (she eventually cried to sleep) and apologise and just play with her, cooing and the like.

It's only 10.5 weeks in and I'm failing as a parent. This isn't good.

Update: I'm going to keep this website close to hand from now on
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