Friday, 24 July 2009

Resentment? aka wishing I had a summer

For the record, Em is the best thing that's happened to me. Having said that, I do sometimes feel a bit resentful - or maybe remorseful - for a life once lived.

The summer really brings it out. My current evening routine involves picking up Em, playing with her and putting her to bed. I really can't remember the last time I spent a nice evening outside. Part of me believes this is down to me being lazy (as I COULD take Em for a walk, etc. etc.) but there's stuff to do when we get home - dinner, bath, getting ready for bed, etc.

I do miss being able to have nice evenings in the summer, and I imagine life would probably be that much better if we had a garden and I didn't suffer from cabin fever. I guess as Em gets older and she goes to bed later, we can go for walks in the evening.

I think Sue feels a bit of this cabin fever to an extent, as she works overtime to ensure our weekends are spent doing things out of the flat.

I love being with Em, as any dad loves being with his children. I just can't explain why, she doesn't even talk, but playing peek a boo with her has become one of life's great pleasures, as is seeing her big ole grim.

I guess every parent comes to terms with these feelings eventually. It's not like I really miss the activities I used to do in the summer all that much, I just look outside at the dusk evenings and get all wistful.

Oh well, I wouldn't trade it for parenthood so I guess I'll just shut up and deal with it.
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