Resentment? aka wishing I had a summer

For the record, Em is the best thing that's happened to me. Having said that, I do sometimes feel a bit resentful - or maybe remorseful - for a life once lived.

The summer really brings it out. My current evening routine involves picking up Em, playing with her and putting her to bed. I really can't remember the last time I spent a nice evening outside. Part of me believes this is down to me being lazy (as I COULD take Em for a walk, etc. etc.) but there's stuff to do when we get home - dinner, bath, getting ready for bed, etc.

I do miss being able to have nice evenings in the summer, and I imagine life would probably be that much better if we had a garden and I didn't suffer from cabin fever. I guess as Em gets older and she goes to bed later, we can go for walks in the evening.

I think Sue feels a bit of this cabin fever to an extent, as she works overtime to ensure our weekends are spent doing things out of the flat.

I love being with Em, as any dad loves being with his children. I just can't explain why, she doesn't even talk, but playing peek a boo with her has become one of life's great pleasures, as is seeing her big ole grim.

I guess every parent comes to terms with these feelings eventually. It's not like I really miss the activities I used to do in the summer all that much, I just look outside at the dusk evenings and get all wistful.

Oh well, I wouldn't trade it for parenthood so I guess I'll just shut up and deal with it.

Boundaries for Emily

At the moment, Emily is pretty much allowed to fun amuck, unencumbered by any boundaries. I realise that as she gets older we need to set parameters and instil in her a sense of right and wrong about a great many things but I really don't know when this should become priority number one.

Case in point - sleeping. At the moment, to get Em to sleep we take her to our bed, play with her, sing to her and read to her. She eventually drops off. All school of thought (and my tingling Spidey sense) tells me she should be falling asleep in her own bed. This is a "boundary" that I'm keen to put in place soon, but I don't know if our current regime is causing her any lasting harm.

I've been reading about boundaries, or discipline, lately and a lot of it seems like common sense, but I feel that as Sue and I get older and get more and more tired, it's just easier to give in. SelfGrowth.com lie out a number of scenarios displaying why discipline and boundaries are needed.

At the moment, Emily is causing havoc in the living room throwing stuff around, but I firmly believe that as long as Sue and I are helping Em figure out right from wrong, we're a good step along the way.

I imagine discipline and boundaries will be a more common theme as Emily gets older and we tread this very long path together. I just hope we tread it correctly.

Menace II The Flat

It's happening and we can see it, like a car crash happening in slow motion. Em's becoming more and more mobile with each day and her increased mobility comes more and more disasters waiting to happen.

Today she was standing in front of the telly, trying to pry the centre channel speaker from it's home, while simultaneously trying to stab the screen with another piece of electronics. Points for multi-tasking there!

I think we may get to the point where the whole living room is barricaded from her l'il devil hands.

Of course it's not all bad news, this increased mobility WILL result in her walking at some point which is a massive milestone I can't wait to see. Having said that, I'd like it if all my gadgets and electronics could see it as well. Thankfully we haven't had any casualties, but I can imagine the day will come soon when I have half a controller or a DVD player with "peanut butter discs" inside ...

The wallet shudders.

Jabbingtons

The doctor's went well and Emily has now had all the jabs she'll need until she 3.5 years old.

She had the MMR jab, which attained controversial status a couple of years ago. I really do hope it is as safe as the government is leading us to believe.

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Developmental concerns?

Every child develops at their own rate, and we're recently begun an offensive on Emily to get her development up to scratch.

Having said that, I think we missed the boat on her doing baby rollerskating breakdancing.

The girl who doesn't age

Whenever I complain about Emily, in the back of my mind I know I should count my blessings - she has all her appendages, she's growing well, and doesn't have any physical impairments.

When I read tales like the one about Brooke Greenberg, the 16 year old girl who is the size of an infant with the mental capacity of a toddler, I really feel thankful for Emily.

When you have a child you naturally have the highest expectations for them - they'll cure cancer; they'll colonise Mars; they'll marry the other best person the earth has ever created they'll grow larger than an infant. More times than not, you'll be disappointed in some regard, but to expect your child to grow and mature shouldn't be one of those disappointing "didn't happens".

Apart from Brooke being mentally and physically 14 years younger than she actually is, I can't help feel for her parents. They're not going to be "parent age" for ever, and what will happen when they're in need of old age care and their child is still a two year-old?

I love Emily and her toddler ways, but the knowledge that development and growth is constantly happening is one of those anticipations that parents look forward to. WHEN will she walk? WHAT will her first word be? With Brooke, these expectations will probably never come to fruition and that's sad.

Father's day

I'd be remiss in this blog if I didn't mention my second ever father's day.

Got some lovely dad socks and a couple of iced biscuits from Em. It's funny how much a toddler actually CAN afford ;)

Went out to for a lovely pub meal as well in Coulsden. Em had a child's portion sea bass, potato and veg while mum and dad had the usual Sunday roast.

I'm not too sure what to expect on Father's Day, but the pampering and "no dad, I'll do it" attitude of the rest of the family really is only in my fantasy. Reality was, it was just another Sunday, but I got socks and biscuits at the beginning of it.

Emily not doing so good

So I DID take Em to the doctor today after all. Katharine called and said that her temperature had shot up, so I went to collect her and raced to the doctor to ensure there was nothing drastically wrong with her.

Turns out she has a mild chest infection. I got a scrip for some meds and spent about 30 mins waiting for her "bag of help" at Tesco's chesmist. This photo was taken as we waited for her drugs, she not a happy or well bunny.

Still, the doc said as soon as her jollop was administered, she should feel much better.

It's been about an hour now and she's cooled down and doesn't seem so listless.

Potential heat stroke

Em was quite restless in the early hours of the morning and felt hotter than the sun.

Her symptoms, although quite similar to heat stroke as I mentioned previously, could also be down to the fact that Katharine's daughter was under the weather the last week. Kids are prone to picking up everything from everyone, so I don't think it's time to put out the worry stops yet.

I did stop by the doctor surgery on the way to Katharine's today to see if they could see Em and allay our fears. My main fear now is I'm becoming that which I loathe - a parent who takes their child to A&E or the doctor with every cough, scrape and ailment. I need to remember that although she's a wee nipper with a wee immune system, it's going to develop and fighting off crap like this - whatever it is - is an integral part in her development.

Of course, if it gets worse, I WILL eat my words.

Vomit damnit

Em's not really been herself the last day or so. Last night at Costco, she was leaning on my hand in the trolley ready for sleeps. This was around 6.30p, sleeps aren't until around 8.15p. I put it down to just general tiredness.

Today I picked her up from Katharine's, to find out that she'd had three sleeps and had just been woken up when I stopped by for pick up. On top of that she was really really warm.

On the way home, she was gagging a bit like she had a fur ball. I felt this odd, but nothing more. When we got home, she had two blueberries and that gag reflex ended up covering me in a melange of white spew and vegetables.

A quick hose down (and dose of jollop) later, and Em was in better spirits than she'd been for ages.

It's funny now I'm a parent, I really worry about things like heat stroke and the flu, etc. When I was free and single I used to scorn those parents who'd take little Johnny to the hospital for every little thing. I don't think I'd rush Em anywhere for anything, but it's made me think twice about dismissing every ailment that comes her little way.

Update: Based on what Katharine said today, I think Em may have a bout of heat stroke. Consulting the web (as one does), I've found this "Sometimes babies can have a heat stroke due to over exposure to the sun. The common symptoms are vomiting, listlessness, headaches and drowsiness. Give your baby plenty of fluids and consult your doctor immediately."

She DID vomit, and she WAS drowsy. Not too sure about the others.

Having called NHS Direct, I got the "don't bother us if you're not dying, as we're terribly busy" message, so we'll wait out the night and see how she is in the morn.